idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
