I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
