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Jerry, you need to find god
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
