It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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