My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
