Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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