i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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