he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
