he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
