Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
