I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
