I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
