I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
