you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
