You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
