im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
