i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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