i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
