what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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