I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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