I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
