I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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