literally had 100 drinks last night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
