why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
