I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
