Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
