i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
