I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
