Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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