So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
