some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
