Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
