Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
