Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
