I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
