His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
