I am puke
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
