Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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