He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
