South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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