I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
