So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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