It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
