Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
