He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
