I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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