My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
