Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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