Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
