Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just high enough for therapy.
I AM VODKA MAN
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
