Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Two words: nipple clamps
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