It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
